BreakingModern — Most apps these days focus on creating a more interconnected world where everyone constantly shares experiences and builds relationships. But what about those of us who don’t want to connect all the time? Some of us don’t even like people. Can we use technology to our advantage as well?
What apps can make people leave us the heck alone?
The Noise App
Finally we have an app for the cranky old man in all of us. The Noise App allows you to tattle on your noisy neighbors quickly and effectively. If those darn kids are making too much noise again, record audio of their raucous partying and send it to your service provider to aid police investigations. The app lets you create a whole diary of noise and track the progress of your reports, so you can track repeat offenders and plot their comeuppance.
If your neighbors find out, they might consider you a bit of a snitch. But who cares what people think? All you want is your peace and quiet. If it makes people chat with you a little less at the grocery store, it’s a win-win situation as far as you’re concerned. In fact, it’d be great if you just never had to see your neighbors at all.
Want to avoid specific people? Split is the app you need. Just select whomever you want to avoid and the app scans the area for his or her social media activity, alerting you whenever he or she is nearby and mapping a quick escape route.
The app also marks the places your enemy hangs out as “danger zones” and lets you know who she’s spending time with (presumably in case you want to start avoiding him or her too). For those who actually go out sometimes, the app will send you an alert if you and your nemesis are both planning to attend the same event. You can even warn your friends of your enemy’s presence … you know, if you have any friends.
But actually, wouldn’t it be even better if you just never had to see anyone at all?
The app Avoid Humans can help you avoid all people everywhere. The app uses Foursquare and Instagram checkins to see how many people are in any given place. Each area gets a green, yellow or red rating — green for lightly populated areas, yellow for semi-crowded spots and red for horribly packed places. Of course, the app’s reliance on social media checkins makes it more useful for avoiding the younger generation than geriatrics, so beware — you may run into some people even while using Avoid Humans.
But even when you’ve managed to keep your face-to-face interaction to a bare minimum, people are still always popping up on social media to bother you, saying, “What are you doing?,” “We never hear from you anymore” and “Have you even left your house in the last month?” If only social media wasn’t so addictive, then we’d never have to peep at their annoying messages asking us whether we’re still alive.
Anti-Social was created to block distracting websites like Facebook and Twitter, ostensibly to make you more productive or whatever. But we recluses know that the app’s true value lies in its power to limit our social interactions.
Let’s face it — when you’re sitting at home with the window shades drawn, it can be tempting to check social media even when you hate people. No longer. The $15 app can block any website you choose, and it’s difficult to turn off (so it’s harder to cheat and use Instagram anyway).
Besides, if anyone complains that you haven’t been responding to his or her facebook messages, you can just tell them you’ve been using Anti-Social to avoid distractions. Works every time.
For BMod, I’m Alison Maney.
All Screenshots: Alison Maney